Update on last week, part 2
music: The sounds of the outdoors
mood: Good 
Anyway, after the good start on the Tuesday I've got the feeling we went uphill from there. Angela and I have had a lot of good conversation and we also started doing necessary things together.
From Thursday onwards I also started with not working overtime anymore, this at least for the next 2 weeks while we are trying to get our life back together again.
I've got the feeling we do more things together now and also understand each other better. Also Angela now has got more of the feeling that I can help her in certain respects and that she is not in it alone.
We still have got a long road to go but at least we started trying to climb up it.
Saturday was also one of these nice days. In the afternoon we went to do the shopping and we had to drop something at the home of a fellow RCK member. I told Angela that I hoped he had dinner ready and asked us to have some too (as that would save us the hassle of cooking), but when we were near his home Angela said: We have got dinner with us, we can also walk there, ask whether he already has dinner ready and if not we will cook at his place.
So we did and it turned out he had wanted to buy one of these microwave meals... so we basically saved him and had a marvellous afternoon and evening in the process!
We cooked while he did the last bit of shopping, we then ate inside and after that went outside as it was a glorious day.
We sat outside till almost midnight, just chatting, relaxing, drinking a bit of alcohol and generally just enjoying ourselves! It was so good...those things make live enjoyable.
Today we went to the club and again did some things like administration together.
In the evening we went to get an icecream...and now we are sitting outside on our balcony in front of the front door just enjoying the weather and doing some stuff we need to do (like updating this journal).
You are sorta updated about our life again now... I will try to not make it too long before I update again, however with all the 'building up of our life' we have to do I cannot make any promises.
Hugs, Jacqueline
Angelasgf on 06.19.05 @ 09:45 PM CST [link] [No Comments]
Finally a long awaited update about the past week
music: None
mood: Tired, but feeling better
It's been a week again since I have written and I apologise to you all.
Only somewhere last week I mentioned to people that I will now more regularly update my journal... and what do I do? Wait a week.
This is because it has been such a weird and wonderful (partly) week and it went so fast that before I knew it we landed at today. So here's the long, long story about the past week.
The week began Monday. When I walked to the busstop and called Angela everything was fine. She sorta sounded fine and said she felt ok. However, all of this changed about an hour later just after I came home. There was something stupid with a website that had changed and she wanted to search for something on it. Of course now, because it had changed, she could not find what she was looking forward and somehow that totally pushed her downhill. She suddenly was so negative, staring in the distance, saying she did not know how to get out anymore, that all the shit was just too much to deal with. Even when I said I knew there is a light at the end of the tunnel (somewhere) she didn't know where or how to reach it. Basically: it scared the hell out of me, seeing her like that. Just the total negativeness and total helplesness...
However, in the following week we did turn this around for the most part, talking a lot and trying to get onto the positive road again, more about thaqt later. I guess the talking about how we are gonna get ourselves on the road again and how we can get out of this mess was the only good thing that came out of this evening!
In the end I think it was 23:30 that I finally tried to get some sleep, as I was already knackered when I came home from work. Sleeping was difficult though, with her emotions fresh in my mind I guess I just collapsed from total exhaustion. Sleeping but not resting, that was the kind of way I came through the night.
Pete's cremation
Tuesday's I would start work earlier (I had discussed this with my office manager) as Angela would already pick me up at 11:15 to go to Pete's cremation. However, I only managed to get to work half an hour early, because of what happened Monday evening.
Anyway, Angela only picked me up at 11:30 as she had already been in the first queue while driving to my work. Basically: 3 queues and a missed exit later (and about 2 hours later) we finally drove onto the parking lot of the crematorium. Then we could not find the correct entrance there and there was honestly no one around to ask... So we finally ran into the correct room at 13:40, it had said 13:30 on the card...and 1 minute later we heard: This was the service for.... So we had missed it!!!
The ceremony had in total only been 13 minutes and we had missed it. The lunch with all people who had been there afterwards took longer. However, this was the way Pete had wanted it and we have to respect that. During the lunch we talked a long time to one of his best friends who had also read his eulogy. He had more copies of this and when we asked whether we could read it (as we had missed it) he just gave the paper to us. We also talked to some other fellow radioamateurs, about Pete, about what he would be missed for but we also laughed about him and shared our stories. I guess that way we still sorta had a ceremony for him, not officially but one which was unofficial and personal.
I guess it was only about 2 hours (at least) later that we went on our way again.
And even though we missed the official part, it still feels in some weird way that we said goodbye to Pete in the correct way. We will never forget him!
After this we drove to someone who had bought some things from the radioclub and as this was in the neighbourhood we could combine it. He was happy and we were too, the car was now empty again...!
As it was such a glorious day we drove home over the small roads, not the highway. This also because we drove through some of the nicest parts of the Netherlands: de Veluwe. Marvellous nature, small vilages... great.
We had an icecream in some small village and then continued driving. Somewhere at the Veluwe we decided to have a stop and try to get dinner somewhere. We ended up at a really nice 'restaurant' in the woods. It was small but cosy and great to sit outside in the woods, hearing the birds and the wind and enjoying the weather. The food was delicious! The people were so nice and friendly (unlike here in the west) and it was just so relaxing. The idea of sitting there, enjoying the forest, enjoying the weather and the nice dinner and not having to hurry to get somewhere. Being able to take your time and just enjoy and relax. That has done us so much good! Also during the drive home and while having dinner we had some really really good conversations about where to go from here. It was just an awesome day overall, just the kind of reprise we needed. We have to do that last part of the day more often..just drive somewhere without being in a hurry and just enjoying the landscape, the forest, the sea...and just talk and listen to each other.
We were home around 22:30 ( I think) but it had been such a good end of the day that we felt much more relaxed and refreshed. It had certainly done us worlds of good!
There's much more to tell, but I have to shower now and then we are off to the club. Will tell something about the rest of the week tonight...
Angelasgf on 06.19.05 @ 02:08 PM CST [link] [No Comments]
Sunday, June 12th
Angela's birthday party
music: Nothing, just the typing on the keyboard
mood: Tired but ok
Well, the morning after the day before so to speak!
We've had Angela's birthday party yesterday and even though dad wasn't there and we had just received the news of Pete's passing the day was quite a lot of fun.
That was what I had intended when sneakily emailing friends and family behind her back...
I knew this day would stand out because of it being the first birthday without dad and I wanted to try and do something special so it would not just be remembered because of that but also because of some nice surprises (which we and Angela in particular) quite desperately needed.
Well: the surprises worked indeed!
The first surprise I gave her was the present which a lot of people paid something towards as well (which I guess surprised her too). The first weekend of July we are gonna have a nice trip to Newcastle with DFDS Seaways. It basically comprises of 2 nights aboard the ferry and about 5.5 hours in Newcastle on the Saturday. We talked about this but have never done it before and because it is hotel and the travel all in one go it's very relaxing (unless one of us gets seasick obviously)!
We are greatly looking forward to this relaxing break and I want to thank all our friends and family who have decided to help pay for this. It means a lot to us that you care that much and we will certainly enjoy it/put a travel story and pics up on this or Angela's website. Hopefully that trip will give us a bit of the positive boost we need!
The second surprise was something Angela had not ever been able to guess either.
When emailing people about her birthday I also emailed some of her Ericsson ex-colleagues and at first thought that I would never get in contact with any of them anymore, as the mails all (or well, almost all) bounced. To my surprise however 1 week later one of her ex-colleagues from The UK replied and we have been in contact ever since.
Sean said that he would try to come over together with his wife Verity and one of his mates (and colleague) Chris. They indeed did and contacted me about that they would be in Amsterdam for the weekend. You can't believe how difficult it was for me to keep my mouth shut about this, but in the end I succeeded! They walked toward the clubbuilding and it took about 3 seconds for Angela to register who they actually were! This as she thought we had simply lost the contact after not emailing for about a year and it seeming like emails came back undeliverable. So yep, it was a great surprise!
They stayed the whole afternoon and we had a spendid time. It was so great seeing them again and also seeing the looks on Angela's face... That was just priceless!
Hopefully also everyone else who was there had a nice time, including Tiny (it just felt so wrong seeing her on her own without dad), my mum & dad, Leo, Dirk, Willem, Henk, Kees (which was a surprise, I had not expected him), Natascha, Ome Jan & Patrick (well, they were mostly there working on the mast, but still)...
In the end we stayed till just after midnight and then we went home tired but feeling good.
Hopefully my plan worked at least a bit and this birthday will be remembered for both the very sad reason but also for the nice time and surprises!
Will post some pictures in the picture gallery when I get time to sort them!
It means so much that so many people think about us. We do the same back... It's great to have such a wonderful bunch of friends!
Angelasgf on 06.12.05 @ 01:23 PM CST [link] [1 Comment]
Saturday, June 11th
Death again around... :(
music: None
mood: Sad
Just now the news reached us that one of our friends has died last Wednesday.
Pete was diagnosed with cancer about 3 years ago and had been given up. They had given him about half a year to live. Around the period that dad became ill we joked about it, about that it seemed like they had forgotten about Pete.
Then one day I asked him via MSN how he was and he said: not good, I'm not feeling well and I'm turning yellow. Well, we all realised then that they had not forgotten about him...
Pete and his wife Jeanette, April 2004 (during the DGB experience).
Some time ago (I think a couple of weeks) he called us and we (mostly Angela, I just listened) had a chat with him. After we had put the phone down we were silent for some time and then Angela said that she thought that this might have been his farewell. The last phonecall we would have with him.
Unfortunately she was indeed correct. After that we did not talk with him anymore.
Tuesday is going to be the funeral so I will have to ask my boss to let me go a few hours early. It's in Enschede so not totally next door. But we want to go there: to pay him our last respects and to show his wife that we care.
It's difficult, especially so close to Angela's birthday (Sunday) and the party (Saturday, tomorrow). Then again: it's already going to be weird and sad as it will be the first time without dad.
Pete, it was nice knowing you. Too bad they did not forget about you. We won't either! 
He left behind a legacy of Ham Radio Software called: Ham Radio Deluxe. It is good to know that especially in that respect (as in many others) he won't be forgotten!
Angelasgf on 06.11.05 @ 12:27 AM CST [link] [1 Comment]
Thursday, June 9th
It's a tie! (and had a nice picnic)
music: Virgin radio
mood: Tired and sweaty, but good!
Well, just before going back to work again: we had a nice lunchbreak.
First, we (Susan and I) ate lunch outside on a blanket, sorta in a picnic way. Which was really nice, as the sun is shining and the sky is blue. We talked a bit while eating and then we went inside for a game (make that 2) of ping pong.
We are getting so much better at the game...playing much more exciting balls to each other and stuff. So it's really cool! Unfortunately, I lost the two games we played today, so now we are at 3 games to 3!
Also: I'm trying to work more organised. Writing down what I did, writing down what I want to do and writing down what I did not do yet. Also filing the documents straight away, so not waiting till it's such a big pile. It does help: the work is not fully done yet, but it does feel like I get more air, so that's good.
Back to work now though...
Angelasgf on 06.09.05 @ 02:22 PM CST [link] [No Comments]
Tuesday, June 7th
Almost going to bed already
music: Nothing, quietness all around
mood: Tired (still)
It feels like I'm only just home and that I now already have to go to bed again. Strictly speaking this is true, as today I decided to work till 20:30, so I was only home around 21:30.
As it is now 22:50 that makes it 1.5 hours that I have been home.
In that time, however I have called Iryna (one of our Ukrainian friends) but as I could not reach her I called her aunt. However, her aunt only speaks Italian (which I do totally not speak) and Russian (which I'm trying to learn). When I tried to speak Russian I think her aunt was quite surprised, but decided to reply in somewhat quicker and more difficult Russian than I could actually follow.
I tried to ask Ira's number and it took us about 25 times, but then I had written a full phone number down. Lo and behold....it turned out I had indeed copied the phone number correctly!
(I'm so proud at myself)!
So I called Ira and talked to her for a couple of minutes. It looks like she started to think again. She says she hopes she can stay in Italy for the rest of this year, but after that she wants to go back to Ukraine as she misses her family and her friends. And she also says she thinks she will be happier in Ukraine amidst her family... a very surprising turn of events there.
What else is going on: my office manager approved my holiday request, so the planned holiday to Ukraine (and our Godchild) can definitely go ahead! That's also why I'm trying to get some Russian in there, so hopefully I'll be able to talk in basic (very basic) Russian with Grandma, for example.
However, my problem is: wanting to do everything all at once...and that's just not possible. I want to learn Russian (to communicate with our Ukrainian friends and 'family') and I want to learn programming (Perl) and I want to update my website, and...sometimes I just need some rest together with Angela too within everything that's going on in our lifes... So yeah, that's my dilemma!
Anyway...what else is going on in our lifes:
Angela has been talking with her sister and basically they did not get any closer together. They still all talk Dutch and still can't understand each other and at the moment I don't really see a solution.
I know that they don't want what is happening now, but somehow neither of them can change it. And my power is also not that big, so I can't really influence it.
Hopefully somehow we will get through this though, without getting really angry at each other.
Enough for now, I should really prepare my lunch for tomorrow and go to bed. I'm knackered.
I LOVE my new journal (however I do want to change the layout a bit when I've got time)!
Bye for now.
Angelasgf on 06.07.05 @ 11:05 PM CST [link] [No Comments]
Won with ping pong!
music: Virgin Radio
mood: Tired but happy
Well, Susan (my new colleague at work) and I just finished our ping pong for today. You have to do something else then work in your lunch break, right? We started playing ping pong and in 2 days it's now 3 games to 1 game for me.
We are getting better at it though... it's so much fun having a colleague!
My boss and office manager are now in China, but because of MSN messenger, email, phone and fax it's just like they are here. Other then the fact that Susan and I can now practice our ping pong skills without being disturbed! 
Anyway...it is back to work again now!
Angelasgf on 06.07.05 @ 02:58 PM CST [link] [2 Comments]
Monday, June 6th
The first entry in the new journal
music: TV on in the background
mood: Tired, but satisfied that I got this working
Well, this is the first entry in the new journal.
I have to figure out how to add my older entries to the correct dates though...
Angelasgf on 06.06.05 @ 09:59 PM CST [link] [No Comments]
