I've got the feeling we have had a bomb explosion today. Like we have been dropped in rough streaming water and suddenly everything is going into a highter gear and we totally don't have control over it anymore.

We've heard today that dad will go home tomorrow. Not because he's doing so well though, more the oposite. Suddenly today they dropped the words 'around the clock terminal care'... Yes, we knew he had cancer and yes we also knew that they couldn't remove the tumor as it is too entertwined with other organs, BUT we had hoped that he would start eating a little bit again and would at least get part of his energy back. Maybe even be able to walk around a bit in home, do some things. But we talked with the nurses at the hospital and it seems like they don't really believe that he will come out of bed anymore.

Exactly how it all went we don't know. But at the hospital they said they had already arranged the care. However before dad goes home tomorrow Angela, her sister, Tiny and dad will have a talk with the oncologist. Because we all have got the feeling that between yesterday's talk and today's word choice we missed something. So hopefully tomorrow things will be a bit more clear. But what is clear though is that it will go faster than any of us could have feared. Where yesterday we were still talking about: we could be really happy if he's still there at Angela's birthday in reasonable health, this today changed to: he might not even make Angela's birthday anymore...even not in bad health.

Angela will go to dad's home tomorrow morning as she needs to get the dining table out of the way. Then the bed will be put in the room (he will get a special hospital bed) and then he will be home. It's gonna be a tough, tough time, even with help. We had hoped it wouldn't go this fast, but it seems like it will.

We did visit dad tonight in the hospital, but he doesn't feel well and basically... it seems like he has given up. He does want to go home because he also hates the hospital, but knows that at home it will be just as difficult. He let us know that everything goes so fast, he can't remember faces, names etc. so many things happening in such a short space of time. He knows that the end is near basically, only how near no one knows. It's clear that it's too near than anyone would have wanted it to be though.

Please keep us (dad and Angela & me) in your thoughts. I'll try to keep on updating you as much as I can (time and emotionality permitting).

It's gonna be a tough, tough couple of weeks/months.