I've skipped yesterday's entry as I really didn't know what or how to write. Too many feeling and thoughts going through my head. Way too many things happening in our lives at the moment. So I guess I would have enough text for half a book at least. If only I knew how to write down everything I feel and think about. Sometimes it's just difficult to find the right words to say what you mean. But I guess I'll try anyway...

The last three days were mad at work, mad but good. A lot of things to do to keep my mind off other problems. Every day I was so tired when I got home. Because of work but also because of personal problems. It does take your energy away big time. And it's also difficult to concentrate at my job, but I will have to.

Yesterday was an extremely difficult day. Everything went wrong. You want a lowdown? Ok, here it goes: Angela had a rejection for a telecoms project again, Carli didn't want to start at all and this just at the moment when Angela wanted to go pick me up to visit dad in the hospital. Angela would pick me up at 18:00 because the visiting times are from 18:30 till 19:30 so we would be able to arrive there in time. Faith (or whatever it was) decided otherwise. Angela called me at 17:55 to say that Carli didn't want to start. She had tried for some time but there was no life. She would go and try the Rover but I shouldn't count on it. Before she called me back a supplier called that they were on their way to deliver a package and I said that I would be at the office to collect it. As Angela was not on her way anyway. They would be at the office around 18:15. About 5 minutes after I put the phone down with the supplier Angela called me back. She's basically had it. Everything just came together to make her feel like hell. Money problems, the rejection, cars not wanting to start and all of this right before we would visit dad. Angela had seen him last Thursday and I had seen him Tuesday a week ago. Basically, the elastic band lost it's elasticity. And I almost heard Angela feel falling apart on the other end of the phone. What made it even worse was that I would not have been able to catch the bus at 18:24 as the supplier still hadn't arrived yet. When I told her that I would only be able to get the bus at 19:02 I just heard she didn't like that at all.

I didn't really know what to say to her. It was difficult not being there, not being able to hold her. I would so have given everything to be able to transport to her right there and then, but unfortunately that still doesn't work. Angela told me that she would call dad so we put the phone down and I felt really emotional too. About 5 minutes later the supplier arrived with the package. I was just in the middle of asking him whether he could drop me off at the busstop (so I might have made the 18:24 bus) Angela called again. She had talked to dad and he had said that he was ok with her taking his car. So she told me to stay at the office and wait and that she would go get the car and then come to pick me up. So I thanked the supplier and went back in the office again. As I had already switched off the computer and locked most of the office I only had my thoughts to keep me busy and those were pretty horrendous. So: I called my mum. I just had to talk to someone, tell someone what was going on. Even though my parents were busy with dinner I got to talk to her (all the way through them eating dinner) and she listened. And gave me some advice... That I just would need to be there for Angela, just put my arms around her when she needs it and talk!

Bust most of what my mum did for me was listen at the time when I also needed it. Especially because normally Angela is the strong one, at least on the surface and now she suddenly fell apart. That has never really happened in the 6 years we have been together. So that was a really scary moment for me. The fact that I really need to support her, that I might have to be the strong one sometimes. Especially now with all the problems coming together. Hopefully I'll be able to do that and to make the money we need to live on. That needs some adjusting on my side though. But I will succeed, I will have to. And obviously the problems are not new but up until now we could ignore them some of the time. Now though, it's dire. We have to face them head on. We will have to find a way to deal with it. There's no choice at all. We will have to get on with it one way or the other.

I also talked to Kaye on the phone, just telling her what had happened, to calm my own nerves. It was good telling her what had happened, even though I was standing in the freezing cold while calling her. I did this because I wanted to wait outside so that as soon as Angela would be there I could get in the car.

In the end we arrived at the hospital around 19:20 but stayed 10 minutes after visiting times. It was good seeing dad even though he looked pretty awfull. He now gets a special mix against dehydration and he is not allowed to normally eat or drink anymore. The next couple of days nothing else will be happening than investigations. As they don't want to do anything too abrupt. So I will keep you up to date on it.

That was about everything really. Yesterday evening we again had a nice cup of hot Anise milk. It was good just sitting down together and chatting a bit. Angela was a bit better yesterday evening although all the problems are still there of course. I guess we will have to find a way to deal with it. At least we are together...