wow, it's been 4 days ago since I have last written something in my journal. Time is flying past so fast with either no time to update or no energy.
The past few days have been hell for dad. He had to go to the hospital yesterday because the nurse couldn't get the katheter in anymore. So he had to go to the hospital. This was difficult because he can't go into the ambulance with the bed so he had to be lifted to the ambulance bed, then to the hospital having a rough time there and then back again. So he was knackered yesterday.
That probably explains why he had a lousy day today. But also: well, he's in the late stage so every time you see him he looks worse as before. That is difficult to watch. Though today it felt good that Angela and I were both there. Holding her while we were standing at dad's felt good, because it felt like she didn't have to go through it alone. That is the difficult part for me during the week: having to leave her alone having to let her go through it alone, visit dad alone. Not being able to hold her or just be there for her. But then again I might not be able to help her anyway, as it's her feelings and thoughts. It's her dad lying there and that must make it even more difficult to watch.
Thursday she was fuming. She had sorta had a fight with Tiny (dad's girlfriend). Tiny already thinks it's ridiculous that Angela gets a milkshake for dad when he asks for it, especially because she has to drive 20 minutes to get it. But Thursday Tiny had been away for a while and Angela was at dad's. So the post arrived and there was a card which clearly said for Mr. J. Scholder. Angela told dad there was a card and asked him whether he wanted her to open it. He said yes so she opened the card, showed it to him and read him what was on it. Though when Tiny came home she said: the post has been opened, it's my post, I live here...blah, blah, blah. Angela started fuming but stayed quiet, just explaining the whole story but she kept on nagging. So when Angela went home later on and said goodbye to dad, who asked her whether she had a fight with someone. She said nothing was wrong but that was quite lying. I came home and she was just fuming with anger. After we had eaten I went to dad alone, as she already had been there and Tiny already thinks she comes too often or stays too long. It's already difficult having dad this way but there's so much around it that could so easily explodes... Hopefully we will be able to just take it without getting too angry at each other. No one wants that to happen so hopefully we will be able to stop it.
Yesterday we have been to a party from Dirk at RCK with gourmet so that was nice. The rest of the day I especially have been lazing around. Putting the ghost back on my laptop and reinstalling some other programs. After that we went to the party around 18:00 and only went home around 23:00, so it was a good evening. I enjoyed it a lot, just having something fun to do
This morning Angela and I have also been lazing around. But I liked that even more! I had my laptop in the bedroom as I wanted to check email, but when Angela came back into bed for a while we just started watching the screensaver (which has got a lot of pictures from our travels). It was nice just talking about this, especially while lying together in bed, just hands touching and leaning into each other. It felt like some quality time! It was good just thinking about the good times, about the nice places we have seen and the people we have met. It's irritating to know that we can't do stuff like that anymore. But I decided this morning that I will try to start looking at it another way. We have been lucky that we have been able to do all that stuff. Whatever happens: they can't take that away from us anymore! we have got the memories in our mind and the pictures which have document a lot. Although I have to say: I really honestly miss the UK!!!