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September 2005
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Sunday, September 11th

My goal in life

music: BBC: Family Proms in the park
mood: Quite good.

It's more than a week ago that I have written this journal, so it's about time to update it.

You know what the problem is? So much happens in your life and still, as soon as you sit down to write about it, it doesn't seem interesting enough to be put online. Then again, if I would keep on thinking that way, this journal would probably just stay empty.

This does not mean that our life is boring, far from that, it would just not be interesting for anyone else to read about it. Everyone knows what we are about anyway, as life treats everyone the same way. Some people get more luck than others but that's the only difference. All the feelings we have been experiencing in the last week you will have felt once in your lifetime too. Sometimes events can almost take over your day to day life without you actually wanting it to happen.

I myself am still trying to keep my hopes up, although it is difficult sometimes. Angela has been rejected again for a telecomms project and I did not yet find myself a new job. Then again, something quite nice actually happened:
For the first time in my life I made a plan!

It's a bit scary for me to put it online as that basically means you can all slap me if I do not succeed.
Of course by now you are all thinking: 'come on girl, spill the beans! What is your goal?'.

My goal is:
- Sit my Cambridage Exam of Advanced English in June 2006.
- After achieving this start with a TOEFL (Teaching of English as a Foreign Language) course. This course alone will take about 80 hours to complete.
- Start working as a teaching assistant and/or start taking on private students, in other words: making teaching English my profession and earning money with it.

This is a middle- to long term plan which will take at least 2 years and maybe even long to complete. However, it really is something I would like to earn my money with.
The thinking behind this is that I love (and am fascinated by) the English language and I enjoy working with people. As this combines the two I think this is the right thing for me to do. Handy is also that both the CAE and the TOEFL certificate are internationally recognised so I won't be bound to The Netherlands as would be the case with, say, admin certificates.

Unfortunately, as this is a long term plan, I still have to find myself a new job to pay the bills. However, it doesn't really matter to me what kind of job I'll get, as long as it pays enough. That's the good thing about having a goal: I know this is just temporary and that I really want to end up doing something else. Everything in between is then maybe easier to deal with.

I'm toying with the idea of giving myself a sentence or idea and then trying to write my opinion about it in my journal. Especially because this will hopefully give me enough exercise for the CAE 'writing paper'.

You'll see as soon as I post the first 'article' whether or not I am acting on this idea.

Hugs, Jacqueline
Angelasgf on 09.11.05 @ 07:09 PM CST [link] [No Comments]

Sunday, September 4th

I hate myself

mood: Very very disappointed at myself

Just before I start doing something which I should have done already I just wanted to get rid of this: I have disappointed myself and other badly again this weekend, it's like I never learn.

Why can't I change? What is so difficult for me in respect to acting like a normal adult? I seem not to get it at all and this weekend was one of the worst to date.
It's all about priorities and I had them badly wrong again.
I won't go into detail, but suffice to say that I hate myself at the moment. That's why I will start working now as otherwise I hate myself even more.

Jacqueline
Angelasgf on 09.04.05 @ 07:08 PM CST [link] [No Comments]


Hurricane Katrina (part 1)

mood: OK I guess

The news has been dominated, rightly so, by the devastation of hurricane Katrina. Millions have been left homeless and thousands are feared to have died.

I honestly feel for the people affected. It must be a horrible and traumatic experience and one, may I add, I will hopefully never encounter. The total devastation is just horrible and the whole situation seems to be spiralling out of control. With looters and thugs wreaking havoc across the already devastated city. It's so bad that the people on the ground have had to abandon search & rescue operations because they now first need to focus on getting the lawlessness under control.
I could understand looters who were in dire need of food and water and then go into shops to get these basics. Fine, that's fully normal and no one would really care if they did. However: people being robbed at knifepoint? Nurses and doctors who aren't able to do their jobs as they are afraid? Even hospitals being ransacked?
I'm sorry to say it but, in that respect, New Orleans almost resembles Iraq in some weird way.
Where does this come from? Is it just the utter desperation, were these people already criminals and are they just taking advantage of the situation, or is this the evidence of a very stark devide between rich and poor?

I thought Bush his response was meagre to say the least. He showed absolutely no emotion and so the words he spoke didn't have any meaning at all. It seems the American people, at least some of them, also picked up on this. Why didn't the relief effort start sooner? Clearly they knew it could be a major disaster if they would be unlucky... Even now, days after Katrina hit, help is only slowly arriving. If Bush was so concerned about everything then why did it take him so long, in comperison, to break off his holiday and come back to do his duty: be there for his people in their hour of need? Someone who seems to be so concerned to spread freedom and democracy to other countries would surely be devastated if a National disaster, like Katrina, strikes his own people in his own country? That's what you would expect. However, it seems like Bush doesn't adhere to that. How horrible that must feel for the people who have lost everything and how are now seriously starting to wonder how they have to continue living. Where is their leader when they actually need him?

The BBC website opened a forum to give people a chance of expressing themselves. What struck me was that a couple of Americans were asking where the Internation help was. Why the International Community gave off a deafening silence?
Well, what do you think? I am sure people the world over find it heartbreaking, especially hearing all the eyewitness accounts. However, my feeling is that Bush would not even want our help even if we would give it to him. He is so used to 'go it alone' that the International Community don't even dare to jump in without being asked first. On top of that: isn't America the richest nation in the world? I think it was the last time I checked. That also doesn't help if you want an Internation relief operation.

Yes, it is devastating for a lot of ordinary people. However, I am afraid that their leader's actions in other parts of the world certainly do not help with getting International help. Unfortunately for them I think there are only two options:
- Hoping that you have got friends and family, both in other parts of America and abroad, who will definitely help you.
- Hoping that Bush can deliver what he says he will and that with this you will indeed be helped.
- Hoping that Bush will bow his head and tell the International Community that he needs their help. (This is highly unlikely to happen and so I'm afraid that hoping for help of the International Community is going to be a long wait.)

We will have to see what the future brings but, right now, it seems very dark and uncertain for the people of New Orleans and the neighbouring parishes. Everyone around the world feels for these people however, if their 'leader' is not strong enough to ask for help when they (not he) need it then I wish them even more of luck and strength from the bottom of my heart.

As then it really will be a 'nightmare scenario'.



Angelasgf on 09.04.05 @ 11:22 AM CST [link] [No Comments]