This past week
music: Nothing, just silence
mood: Tired but thoughtful and good
Hi everyone,
It's been about a week again since I last wrote but it really is time for an update.
You all know that Angela's aunt (Ria) has been in the hospital for somewhat longer than 2 months now and so, as you can probably imagine, it does not go well.
We are all really trying to keep hoping and to keep thinking positive thoughts but deep down I think we know Ria would need a miracle, anything short of that will make it a disaster waiting to happen.
She's just getting so frail and so unsteady and so...old. She now needs help with about everything, can't get out of bed anymore without help and her body seems to stop working piece by piece...
Obviously this is of big concern for all of the family. Especially because it is again a year with hospital visits and a downward spiral. Again of hoping and praying but in your heart knowing that it's probably all in vain. It's like we have been slammed down last year and now get a kick in the head while we are trying to crawl back up. In other words: it's just not fair. I can sometimes get so angry about what's happening...so angry about how fucked up it really is, why? Why us (again)? I only would have wanted one year in which nothing really happened but life just muddled along, just one year without big problems, without people falling ill and (god forbid) dying. It seems though those concerns are falling on deaf ears.
However... I already told you about my new job and how I love it. Not just the position I'm in but also my colleagues and (even) my manager. That was proven again this week when Claudia (my manager) just had me stunned into silence and very close to tears.
When someone touches your heart in such a basic way that it almost moves you to tears, just because it's so beautiful and powerful.
What happened was that Claudia has been to Japan for three weeks for business. It was so silent at the office with her gone...you just can't imagine the difference 
Anyway, Monday she was back at the office and she went around giving something Japanese to every member of her team. (As she always does which is so sweet in itself). Anyway, when she came into my office she had two things in her hand. She handed me my gift but then stayed where she was and didn't walk away yet. The second thing she had was a small Japanese 'bag' with signs on it and a sort of talisman (I don't really know the English or Japanese term for it) in it.
She told me that she'd bought that in a Japanese temple and that it was for Ria. It was a talisman for 'good health' and she told me to give it to Ria and make sure it was kept close to her.
And then she handed it to me and I was (and still am) stunned in the good sense.
When I told her that she answered that she felt she had to do it and that it was all she could do, so she wanted to do it as well.
It seems so simple so small but actually what she did was big. The fact that she had actually thought about me, about Ria, while being in Japan in her spare time in a temple. Hell, had not only thought about it but actually translated that into buying this 'good health' gift.The unbelievable power of that action was, I guess, so much more powerfull then the gift itself will probably ever contain.
The fact that she has never met Ria, only 'knows' her through the stories I tell, but still does this. I guess, for me, it's a symbol of humanity, of caring, of all the things that make humans humane and beautiful in their humanity. And this was not only picked up by me, but also by Angela (who has met Claudia), by Ria herself but, even more so, by Roger (Ria's youngest son). When I told him I think he was silent for about 3 minutes before being able to reply. You heard it in his voice this unbelievable feeling of 'wow' are there still people like that walking around on this earth? People who care for their fellow humans on such a basic level that they have got the feeling this is 'normal' and nothing special. That of course you do things like that.
I swear even know after the whole work week, thinking about this still gives me goosebumps and it still brings tears to my eyes.
That's why I want to say:
Thank you Claudia, for this wonderful gift you have given Ria and with that, us... It's powerful, really really powerful and I won't quickly forget it. It has give me such an amazing faith in humanity and hope in the world. That all is not lost on this earth as long as people like you, how find this so very normal, still exist here. You are one hell of a sweet lady and a very kick-ass manager. Thank you for doing this for us and I hope that I can learn a lot from you in the next months (and maybe years) at the company. That hopefully one day I will have some of your determination and strength and humanity as it's so powerful it's just unbelievably beautiful.
I know that all is not well in the world, but this little thing has just made my world a little bit brighter and more colourful than it was before.
Jacqueline
Angelasgf on 03.18.06 @ 01:36 AM CST [link] [No Comments]
Sunday, March 12th
Intense weekend
music: Nothing, just silence
mood: Thoughtful
Hi everyone,
I can safely say that it has been an intense weekend. Next to everything that normally needs to be done we have had a really interesting and thought provoking weekend.
It started with us discovering a new 6-episode American TV-series. The series is called: "Black White" and is a crossover between "Big brother" and a documentary. What happens is that they have got two American families living in a house for six weeks. Inside the house the family that is white is white and the black family is black. However, they only venture out of the house as a part of the opposite race. So the members from the white family are turned black and the black family turned white. So they can 'live in each other's skin' and discover, at least to a certain extend, the other family's day-to-day life.
The idea is really good, however, I don't think they have taken it as seriously as they could. Because it's first and foremost a reality tv-show. A lot of the news bulletins and stories which sprung up all over the web are thus mostly negative, which really is a shame. We downloaded the first episode which was broadcast in the US at the 8th of March and, after watching it, had quite a long conversation.
What makes you what you are? Where do those pre-programmed ideas from which, inevitably, everyone has got and how does it influence your life? It's a shame we have to download this program as I am quite sure we will probably never see it broadcast on Dutch or English tv.
The impact it had on members on both families was varied. The two dads both had their own preconceptions about discrimination and felt like they were too stuck in their ways to adjust their opinions. The two mothers seemed to have such different views that they clash constantly with the white mother feeling she is constantly stamped with the 'racist' word even though she honestly thinks she is open minded and not racist. I'd say she's at least unfeeling and unwilling to learn, then again to eager to learn... The black son can't care less and so also seems to not learn too much. What, even after watching one episode, becomes clear is that the 18 year old white daughter goes into it with an open mind and goed into it to the core. when her mother and the black mom have got a conflict you can see that she honestly understands where both are coming from and that not being able to reconcile those two ideas is simply heartbreaking. You can find more info on this TV-show here.
Next to that we also watched a couple of Oprah's about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. It is unbelievable that Americans are still living in conditions close to how it was just after the Hurricane struck. It's just criminal as far as I am concerned! I don't care who's call it is...the federal or state government, but they should start moving fast. It's unbelievable that this happens in America, the richest country in the world. It shows how incompetent America really is.
Saturday evening we watched the BBC show about your memory. They had questions so you could check how good (or bad) your memory is. Well, aparently my memory is bad. So I will definitely have to train it! That was so bad, finding out that it really is that terrible. Anyway, that is why I do want to start to do some training. Today we cycled to the club via a slightly different route so I could test that part of my memory... we went slightly wrong when cycling back but I did better than I normally would. At least we got home in a reasonable period of time.
Anyway, enough for today. This has become a whole essay.
Jacqueline
Angelasgf on 03.12.06 @ 10:56 PM CST [link] [No Comments]
Saturday, March 4th
England trip
music: BBC TV
mood: Quite good
From the 22nd of February till the 27th of February. It was great!
Within 5 minutes it was as if we had never left. As if those 4 years in between had never existed...
What did we do in Newbury? Mostly meeting friends, going to the pub, walking around town centre, going to the pub... Oh, had I already mentioned that? lol
We also did some shopping, as the zip of my jacket gave way and we weren't able to fix it. Luckily we found two really nice jackets at TKMax. Only 62 pounds for the two of them together. So a lot better than I have seen in Holland. Angela said I'd be crazy if I let that one slip...so I didn't. One of the jackets I could even wear in spring and summer. It's not as thick as the winter one but still water and wind resistant.
Anyway, it was great seeing our friends! Of course we had seen Les about 2 years ago in the Netherlands during the DGB program. However, we had not seen Kathy yet, we'd only heard about her and had spoken to her on the phone. I have to say though, both Angela and I thought Kathy is great! She was just so sweet! And lovely and funny and sweet... I already said that too.
We had a lovely Sunday lunch on the 26th of February. However it wasn't really a 'traditional' Sunday roast as it wasn't beef but pork. Sainsbury's didn't have any beef anymore. But it was unbelievably good anyway with roasted potatoes, broccoli, carrots and, of course, gravy and wine! And the good company of both Les and Kathy.
The Thursday we were at our 'local' pub, "The Five Bells" for the weekly pub quiz. Some of the regulars at the pub had to do a triple take, just to make sure that they weren't seeing ghosts. But after the initial hesitation they gave us a big hug and, again, within seconds it was like we had never left. It was great seeing Alli and Jane again and having fun together. And also beeing in the same team, the bar team. They also had the feeling that it couldn't have been 4 years since they had last seen us. They also had the feeling it has been last week.
We also went to some of the other pubs, "The Blackbird" and had a pub quiz there on the Sunday evening. 100 questions! I thought it would never stop... I think they did it so we would want to get the hell out of there...lol. Angela and I were together in a team and, of course, ended bottom (7th) but it was still fun.
Also great was the fact that we got to talk to Phil's mum a bit. As we stayed at her place for which we are still very grateful! We didn't see her a lot as we were out most of the time and she was out working the rest of the time. However, on the Saturday we did actually talk to her a bit, which was nice. And also the fact that her and Stewart (her husband) took us out for lunch on the Monday was a real surprise. We really liked that, even though I honestly thought it would end up in us being too late, which didn't happen, luckily!
So yeah, it was great! Just within minutes like we had never left. It felt so normal, so home, so like it should be... Well, never mind. I will probably post some photo's shortly in the photo section. So stay tuned for that!
Hugs, Jacqueline
Angelasgf on 03.04.06 @ 08:05 PM CST [link] [No Comments]
